Deborah Arrowsmith
Coming to the end of my time at Oxford Meeting I wanted to share, thank you all, and have possible rant – ok? Of course, in a shameless piece of advertising, I could encourage you all to come along to “Quakers who write and share” on February 24th when I am sharing my take on “Plain speaking”! Then there’s another chance to make a difference :- Come along to the ‘Outreach Ideas and ACTION’ morning February 25th and see what we can actually achieve.
Eight years ago, the Meeting took a long time to work out what it wanted in the front office, eventually deciding on a non-resident manager. Amazed and delighted to be appointed, I was in fact dragged out of the pub to take the job – how was this going to pan out? I was described in a business meeting as “an experiment” to my face- do come along to business meetings by the way- you just never know what might happen. Usually tedious, sometimes exciting and supported by far too few. Can I suggest Advice and Query No.75: “Where are you when decisions need to be made?”
In the office, I always operated the “we don’t do fault, we don’t do blame, we do ‘taking responsibility” mantra. A way of building bridges, sharing, building teams-loving the FODS support -however you put it- working together the way I thought Quakers were supposed to operate. Brilliant when it works.
Teams aren’t easy. There was a stone on my desk by the phone with the word “Listen” on it as a reminder of the biggest part of the job. It’s a privilege to be a Quaker manager or warden –
you hold confidences, help others bear stuff, introduce Heinz 57 varieties of people to our place, our way our worship- there was never a distinction for me between work and worship. Or so I thought. And yes, everything from designing posters, negotiating with contractors (if you can find them), to cleaning loos and cleaning up sick.
One of my favourite times of the year is the last working day before Christmas when everyone has gone. Before locking up I spend half an hour sitting in the Meeting House giving thanks for the year past, what we had achieved together, what still needed work in the year to come. Even through the pandemic it felt positive. Though on my own, I was never alone. This last Christmas sitting quietly reviewing the most difficult and frustrating year I found myself very clearly supported. Rabbi Lionel Blue (who once found a welcome here) called him Fred. I call her Kay- as in ‘It’s Oh- Kay!) you can call her whatever you want. So, Kay said- ‘come on- just let go- let them get on with it!’
When I took the job, it was with the words of the Clerk at Norwich Meeting wishing me well by reading Advice and Query 27: “Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak. When decisions have to be made, are you ready to join with others in seeking clearness, asking for God’s guidance and offering counsel to one another?”
Now I sat and read on to Number 28: “Every stage of our lives offers fresh opportunities. Responding to divine guidance, try to discern the right time to undertake or relinquish responsibilities without undue pride or guilt. Attend to what love requires of you, which may not be great busyness.” In other words- “just go- get on with it- do something different- you’ll feel much more purposeful- there’s so much that needs doing” How could I not agree?
It’s not my business to tell you what to do now- that’s for you all to work out together as is the Quaker way. But if I had any authority, I’d urge you to get real, get with strategic thinking, get on with it, think outside the box- across the Area Meeting and turn some of those chairs out to face the world. (Remember the 98 roles in the meeting that were all about keeping you going and maintaining the status quo?) Better still stack the chairs in the corner till there’s someone to sit on them. Embrace change- no, squeeze the living daylights out of change, use better technology, consider what you do with your money, help smaller Meetings, pay professionals who are accountable for what you don’t want to do yourselves. Oh, and Advice and Query No.84: “First work out what it is that needs doing!”
I have clung to a statement that “being a Quaker is the most creative spiritual space I have ever found.” I hoped others would agree, discover something fresh and wonderful…I hoped to help build that team. I was wrong. I have my own agenda of regaining trust in Quaker processes- many of which I feel are no longer fit for purpose in this time; seriously stifling change and creativity. The real creativity is given to us all as a gift by God- oh-Kay?- not the preserve of a 300 year old private members club who delight in writing a perfect minute. It’s ‘that of God’ in me for whom I need to make more room.
Resilience is what I am after, not in the sense of building of a fortress with 98 inward facing chairs sitting on our reserves just in case the sky falls in. Resilience in an openness of spirit, equipped to share and support. A desire to help, serve, and encounter all the troubles and issues of the days with a strong and clear voice. Prepared to discern, act and share the joy of achievement. Thankfully, Harvey Gillman speaking about spiritual hospitality in a time of uncertainty at Area Meeting in Faringdon, seemed to agree speaking of God’s temple being built wherever we discover God’s presence in depth and each other in love.
Oh, and no I am not going back to Norfolk. I am not leaving because Hazel needs more care- she’d tell you that in no uncertain terms! Wednesday meeting will continue to benefit from delicious soup (and your company perhaps?) Thank you so much for 8 years of making friendships, the kindness and love of so many of you has supported me and I will cherish and hope to make more time for you. A huge thank you to the office team and Jacqui in particular. Advice and Query No 97: “Do you trust and value the experience, commitment and sheer hard work of your employees who are brilliant to work with?” (in Oxford, of course, this should read “with whom it is brilliant to work”!)
So, as (was it?) Hubert Gregg on Radio 2 used to say, “If you have been, thank you for listening”.
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Forty-Three Newsletter • Number 526 • February 2023
Oxford Friends Meeting
43 St Giles, Oxford OX1 3LW
Copyright 2023, Oxford Quakers